“I think it’s very important to have a feedback loop, where you’re constantly thinking about what you’ve done and how you could be doing it better.” – Elon Musk
Are you afraid to get feedback because you’re worried about what they might say and maybe worried that your pride is going to get hurt?
If so, I actually hope you recognize that feedback is fuel to help you become your best and make the changes that you want to make.
Let’s dive in.
Why Feedback Matters (Even If It’s Hard)
What I’ve recognized—as I’ve worked with hundreds of engineers and engineering leaders—is that feedback loops at work are often either nonexistent or they’re weak and ineffective. That’s a problem if we’re trying to intentionally grow our careers.
We want to be getting effective feedback because that helps fuel our growth and development. It helps us make the right adjustments. It helps us stay in alignment with each other. It encourages greater collaboration.
But a lot of people avoid and neglect both giving and receiving feedback. Why? Because they’re afraid of hurting others’ feelings—or being hurt themselves.
A Mindset Shift: Invite Feedback
I want to change your approach. I want to invite you to say and believe:
“I welcome feedback—because it can only help me learn and grow.”
Here are four things that will help you accelerate and improve the quantity and quality of the feedback you receive, so you can grow with greater intention.
1. Ask better questions
Instead of asking, “Do you have any feedback for me?”, try something more targeted:
- “What’s one thing that I could have done better in this project?”
- “What’s one thing I could improve in this product?”
- “What’s one thing I could have done differently in this meeting?”
Be specific about the instance and what you want feedback on. Ask for one thing.
Once that first bit of feedback is received, you can go deeper. Ask more questions. Explore further. But if you keep your questions specific and focused, you’ll receive more impactful feedback.
2. Choose the right people.
Not everyone is adept at giving great feedback—and not everyone has the right relationship with you.
Ask people who you feel have the psychological safety to tell you the truth. These people won’t sugarcoat things, but they also won’t be unkind. They’ll give you feedback that may be hard to hear—but they give it because they care about you and want your growth.
This might be your boss—but not always. It might be someone else you trust. Someone with insights into how you work and what you can improve.
And don’t limit this to just your work life. Spouse. Partner. Close friends. They might see things you can’t—and help you grow in other areas of life.
3. Listen without defending.
This one is tough.
You might want to argue.
You might want to defend yourself.
You might want to explain why you did something.
But I invite you to just listen without defending. Be curious instead of defensive. You don’t have to agree with everything—but take time to really hear where they’re coming from.
Ask:
- “Why is this feedback important right now?”
- “What are they seeing that I’m missing?”
Receive the feedback. Then decide what to do with it.
4. Follow Up
Feedback without follow-up doesn’t lead to growth.
If you recognize something that needs to change—do something with it. Then check in.
Follow up so you can grow with intention. Show that you’re trying. Show that you care. Let them know their feedback mattered.
The Bottom Line: Feedback = Fuel
Getting great feedback can be an accelerator for your growth and development.
If feedback feels difficult—if it almost paralyzes you—you’re not alone. But you don’t have to stay stuck. Let’s talk. I might be able to help.
Having some support through a coaching experience or an intentional development program might be exactly what you need.
Watch more in the video below:
