Focusing on The “Gap” Leads to Frustration and Burnout – Focus on This Instead

Focusing on The “Gap” Leads to Frustration and Burnout – Focus on This Instead

“You are your own worst critic” – we hear this a lot, but does it have to be true? Do we always have to be so hard on ourselves as we try to make progress and reach new goals?

Goal setting, resolutions, making progress, and reflection is something many people do at the turn of a new year. Yet many people set goals only to not reach them, and get demoralized and stop trying.

So how do we actually find happiness in our lives and careers?

The answer – lack of happiness, frustration, burnout, and dissatisfaction are driven mostly by focusing on The Gap – the difference between where we are now vs. the ideal that we want to be true. This focus gets us spending so much time feeling that sense of lack – “I’m not good enough, I don’t have enough, things will never be how I want them to be…” And on and on.

So how do we turn it around?

Focus on The Gain – the progress we’ve made, how we have improved, feeling gratitude, and more.

What is The Gap and The Gain?

“The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.”

~ Dan Sullivan

The idea for The Gap and The Gain first came from Dan Sullivan, founder of the Strategic Coach, who in 2021 partnered with Benjamin Hardy to create a full book about the concept.

The basic idea is this – when you are in The Gap, you are measuring your current state against the ideal, always seeing there to be a gap no matter how successful you are at this point. When you are in The Gap, you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything at all because the ideal is a moving target. This gets you feeling like you have failed, wasted time, or continue to fall further behind.

Alternatively, when you are in The Gain, you are measuring the progress you have made from where you used to be. The wins, the people you’ve met, the things you have learned, the growth of relationships, financial progress, and more. This focus allows you to have a sense of having achieved something and will motivate you to go achieve even more!

Getting Away From the Ideal

This focus on the ideal is what keeps you in The Gap. The ideal can be looked at in a few different ways:

  • Your conception of what is perfect
  • An idea that exists only in the imagination – it’s desirable, but not very likely
  • An ever moving target of success that you are always shooting for but never reaching

Instead of focusing on the ideal, you can instead make more progress by having appropriate goals (a timely concept coming into a New Year, right?):

  • The object of ambition or effort
  • A desired result
  • A specific, measurable, and time-bound outcome that you seek

Yet it’s more than just whether you accomplish your goal or not. You need to measure, track, and report your progress along the way compared to where you were when you decided on your goal.

For example – in 2021 I set a goal that I wanted to increase my vertical jump and dunk a basketball by August of 2021. I’m 6’3″ and feel like I’m tall enough to be able to do this, but my entire life I have never had the hops to make it happen. So I set the goal, bought a jump training program, started doing the exercises, and taking action. 

Yet along the way I had some injuries that kept me from staying consistent and reaching the eventual goal. I didn’t do it.

Was everything lost? I felt that way for a while and was quite disappointed. I was in The Gap. But looking back, I learned a lot about the process, technique, and the approach to exercising. I learned things that will help me avoid injuries in the future. And I built some new habits that have made me healthier in other ways.

I still made progress, and I can keep reaching for the eventual goal. Seeing that progress keeps me motivated, it keeps me in The Gain.

I still can make the eventual goal of dunking a reality (need to recommit to get serious about that goal)!

Are You Already “Living the Dream?”

Think about this for a moment. Did you ever have goals in your life to be doing what you are doing right now? To have a great job, to have completed your degree, to get accepted into an educational program, to own a home, to have a car, or something else?

Could it be possible that you are already “living the dream?”

That’s the amazing thing about looking back – we can see what we used to have as important to us, and sometimes we have met or exceeded those expectations.

More progress will come in time as well!

I had to take stock of this recently – early in my process of starting my company, More Than Engineering, I stated I wanted to “get paid to help people.” I loved helping people move through mindset shifts and reaching big goals, but this was just an idea and I wasn’t sure how to make it a reality.

But recently as I reflected on where I am at now, I had to kind of pinch myself. I am doing it! I get to work with amazing people, teach ideas that transform lives, and in essence, get paid to help people.

I am living the dream!

Sure, there are a lot of ways I can continue to improve, grow, and impact even more people – I’m setting goals for those things. But I can enjoy how far I’ve come and how far my clients have come as well!

Journal On The Gain

Ever since I learned about The Gap and The Gain, I have been doing a journaling exercise on a quarterly basis to bring it to the forefront of my mind. As we approach a new year, I invite you to do the same.

Take 15-30 minutes and complete the following activity, using 5-10 minutes for each item.

  • What wins or gains have I had in the last 30 days? Who have I met? What have I learned? How have I made progress? How have I changed?
  • Do the same for the last 90 days
  • Do the same for the last year

Just make a bulleted list. Once you’ve written these things down, look over the lists and experience a sense of gratitude for how far you’ve come.

I promise if you do this, you’ll come out of it in a more positive mindset and motivated to tackle more challenges and opportunities!

Need some Help?

If you’re ready to accelerate your career and leadership further and want some help doing it, here are a few ways I can help when you’re ready:

  1. Watch a FREE Engineering Career Masterclass – the 4 Keys to Intentional Engineering Career Transitions
  2. Enroll in the Engineering Career Accelerator – the exact system that hundreds of engineers have used to go from confused to thriving in their careers.
  3. Schedule a free call with me to talk about getting personalized 1:1 and group support on your goals.

Here’s to a great end to 2022 and a wonderful start to 2023!

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I’ve created a new masterclass to help those out of a job or seeking a new job to help them get hired fast. Go watch my FREE Engineering Career Accelerator Masterclass by clicking the button below!